Great morning, but...

With the pollen count finally receding from terrorist threat level Orange and the beautiful blue sky today, I thought we’d venture out to Freedom Park for one of those Mommy/Baby mornings that I daydreamed about when I was still at the cube farm. We had a very nice walk, but there were a few things that I could have done without:

(1) Woman sitting in car in the parking lot with door open screaming into cell phone “If you don’t shut up I am going to reach through this phone and hit you in the neck.” I don’t know what the other party said but she was not kidding. I think she would have done it. How can you be that pissed at someone at 9 in the morning? Awesome start to our walk.

(2) The seventeen people mowing grass. I am highly allergic to grass. At the height of pollen season a few weeks ago I wouldn’t let Kurt add to my misery by mowing the lawn. I guess it looked pretty rough because our neighbor’s son-in-law went ahead and mowed it for us. Oops. Anyway, Thursdays are landscape days at Freedom Park, apparently. Remind me not to go on Thursdays. We stuck to the greenway and stayed away from the green death as much as possible, but I still must’ve sneezed 35 times on the way home. Talk about distracted driving.

(3) The BOBs. For those of you not in the know, BOB is “the” jogger stroller to have. We are in the have-nots because we can’t bring ourselves to shell out $350 for one, but I covet, oh do I covet as I limp along in my four-wheeled piece o’ junk Graco Metrolite. Sarah Beth seems to like it just fine, but if I speed up to anything more than a brisk walk, the thing wobbles like a broke-down shopping cart. Oh and by the way, all the BOB Mommies are skinny and cute in their little jogging shorts and tank tops. Damn them.

(4) The Junior Leaguer in the pearls. Ok, I don’t know that she was a Junior Leaguer and there’s nothing wrong with the Junior League – it’s a perfectly nice organization that does wonderful charitable things. But when I saw this girl bopping along in jogging pants, a white t-shirt, baseball cap and a long strand of PEARLS, all I could think was, give me a break, Junior Leaguer. I don’t even wear my wedding band to the park because I don’t want to attract anyone’s attention who may be looking for an easy target, and this chick is sporting pearls? I wonder if she wears them to sleep. I realize that I am a little obsessed about this but for some reason it really got on my nerves.

(5) Guy smoking a cigarette on a bench beside the Greenway. Um, dude did you not get the memo? Smoking is not cool anymore, James Dean, and it’s BAD for you, so put out your butt (throw it in a trash can please) and spare the rest of us, who are out here for some fresh air, not here to inhale the fumes from your cancer stick.

A personal message to the guy with the two little yorkies: When I say, awww such cute puppies, YOU are supposed to say, “and what a beautiful baby you have!” That’s how it works. Not just a nod and a smile. Got it? We will be back (not on Thursdays) and I expect a little more enthusiasm over my precious little girl. Thanks.